MORNING MAD-NESS!

OK! since im darn free now, i decided to post in today's journal.... (laughs).





lets talk about today's 'event'...



slept at early 3 plus and woke up at 9.30. great?!... was damn tired... today was my first day at work in my new workplace at Sepang Bedok. it was cool. very nice place though. haha. worked from 12-3. it was busy but not as busy as in Brunch. now, im damn sleepy and tired. haha. 2 hours spent on journey time! its ok with me! SOBS. my left knee-cap hurts. doesnt even know why. maybe its because i keep standing? or maybe im getting 'old'. oh my!... WILL KEEP MY WORKING SPIRIT UP! work it out! TOTALLY SHAGGED!







& the moment i've been waiting for... my love story...





i dont know whether do i count it as the 3rd day or the 4th day that im living without you. but something you did today, pissed me off.. way off.... i arranged to meet you after my work but you told me that you dont know whether you wanna go out or not, because you dont feel like?? unfortuately, i seen a message that totally brought my mood down, " hmm today i maybe not going out, thought of going town but Felicia dont want, hahas. " what is this? one moment telling me that you are not feeling good enough to go out and another moment telling me you want to go town with Felicia. what's really going on? at times, i felt so in love. at times, i felt that you're just, SCARY, again. im really confused! for instance, you quarrelled & almost fight with your mother for the White Lily that i bought for you. even though, it had already withered, you still want to keep it as a memory. to be honest, IM REALLY TOUCHED! though the fact, your mother had thrown it down the building. hmmm.

last night, in the middle of night, you messaged me. though the fact i was about to sleep but i felt that you need somebody to talk to. so we chatted on the phone. i dont understand why you keep saying Sorry for letting me know about your family issues. but there's something i would want to say, its really ok. believe me. though the fact we are no longer steads but we were once together. dont know why but yesterday before i sleep, i had the urge to call you Baby again. in the message you sent and said "baby, are you gonna stop calling me baby anymore? i really miss you too. my mum had already thrown the lily away. sorry, even if the lily had died, i also want to keep it." but i was already asleep. regretted that i couldnt reply it. in appox. 30 mins later, you dropped me another message, " i will leave to fate whether we can patch or not, alright? i dont wanna force you or what. good night." when i woke up and read it, i felt that i'm being too stubborn. but think about it again, its not that i want it this way. its just that i couldnt do it. its really tough.. i really want to give you a hug again. i really wish i can really call you baby again. but overall, i just couldnt accept what you had done to me. what you had did in the past with your EXs, aint my business at all. you meant alot to me once. but now, im too afraid to even make a step forward again. what if, its a dead end ahead??





SO GONE!

EVERYTHING WAS A BIG MISTAKE

today at work, everything went wrong. my manager is just there to pick on me whether be it is related to me or not. fuck it totally. i was very pissed! being the SENIOR of casual labourer. and yet it wasnt appreciated! thats so fucked up!




ALSO TODAY.....


i received messages from you. i dont know whether is it meant to be good or not. but its already the 3rd day im living without you. each day seems so tough and miserable. telling myself im not gonna be EMOtional about it anymore but i just couldnt. i cant HATE you because you are someone i LOVE. i really wish to call you baby again. i really wish i can call you or see messages, saying that you miss me. but worst still, i kept hearing 'stories' about you. it just keep haunting me down. COOKIE MONSTER! it just reminds me of you. im utterly hurt to the max. but i couldnt cry. it really hurts. worst still, not able to cry. I WANNA TELL YOU THAT I MISS YOU MUCH! there's alot of things i want to tell you. but can I?

THE DAYS HAVE GONE!

this couple of days, there's alot of things happening which you neither know how to salvage nor control it. but what can i say? practically, NOTHING! i just felt so dumb to believe in something that i shouldnt have. after giving a 3rd chance and yet it wasnt appreciated. i keep questioning myself, why am i still concern about you? what do 'you' have to do with me? but i just want the best for you even we have broken up. like even when we met up to return my stuffs to me, i just wished to give you a hug and request for a patch. but it was my thinkings that kept me away from it. SIGH!... why Promise when you cannot fulfil it?!


I LOVE YOU STILL..


talked about sat, hmmm. great birthday c'bration though. it proceeded the way we planned! cool...
happy birthday Vanessa!

I MAY NOT HAVE DONE THIS

being able to hear you say " I Love you", really does melts my heart. but the fact is that, is already the second time. ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY. have you actually think before you actually do something? i start to wonder, am i just 'bluffing' myself? i really want to forgive you but its not as easy as i think i could. even if i say : " i dont want to care about you at all!". but can i actually do so? no. because i love you... its because i somehow still believe you are still that Pure White Lily. Roy has been guilty upon since he told me about you and begged me to forgive you. he still cares for your well-being. each time i hear things about you, my heart just shattered into pieces. UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED! but sometimes i know that i cannot lie to myself is that i know I LOVE YOU and I WILL STILL FORGIVE YOU. but how many times more? i didnt go to work because im sick. but its just seems wrong to me. i 'think' even more. i dont want to make a decision that i will regret. but neither do i wish to see you hurting yourself. sigh! why am i still so concern about you?? i couldnt be angry but i felt that pain in me that i couldnt explain.


GIVE ME A REASON WHY?

its been awhile.

i have walked on so many paths. but wherever or when, i 'walk' on, it just seems to me like it has been a dead-end to me again. i have tried so hard to tell myself that things isnt the way i think it is. for instance, i always wonders how is Fer doing? but i just kept on wondering but i just dont dare to ask her "how are you doing?"

next, when you met someone you love, should you really hold it on? i will just ask myself why do you ask yourself that? because i dont dare to take risk after since you joke or (a little meaner), flirt with em... well, i find it really tough to understand what you are thinking at times. i have this thinking nowadays, are you really mine? or am i sharing it with someone else? i know its unfair to think it this way but i just couldnt stop it.

today(monday 21st july), i was very quiet when i went to work. maybe its because im not feeling well... it was raining throughout the whole afternoon and the amount of customers were.... little... so as usual, me, as a casual labourer, will definitely be sent home early. haha. not good anyway. 4pm to be precise, just that 4 hrs. sigh!... not working out well. i called up baby, roy and messaged edgar. somehow arranged to meet roy at 4.45pm, ended up waiting for an hour plus. was bored! so i did some window shopping. but when i walked past a florist, i saw white lilies. OMG! hard to find it at certain florist shops. so without any hesitation, i bought one stalk. cost about 6? i know i was crazy at the point of time because i dont know what i wanna do with it. but when i had it on my hand, it reminds me of baby, being the white lily. hahaha! so i messaged baby and tell him that i bought something lame and i wanna give it to him. well, i know im troublesome but i dont have the choice but to re-arrange the point to meet with roy at Redhill station instead. because i have to go over to baby's place to pass it to him. haha. funny!

before arriving at Redhill, as i was in the train, i saw this guy staring blankly at me. maybe because im holding the Lily? haha. who cares? before i reach baby's place, baby called and he actually rushed to meet me. haha. funny though. but i love the surprise and the suspense he gave when i held the Lily at my back. but it wasnt as happy or surprise i thought i will be. it seems distant between us somehow. why? what am i afraid of? was allowing him to St. James to club is bothering me? hmm.. friends told me that it was a wrong move because i might lose him to others. sigh. what am i thinking....!?

i yearn for Steaks. Medium Rare to be precise. hoping for one special day to go with my special one, to a Specialised Steak Restuarant. Possible? nahs!! Impossible yeah. haha. im so weird. will i find someone whom love the same thing as i do? hmmm.. wonders? IMAGINATIONS GO WILD! being single doesnt bring me happiness anymore. i used to think that being single is better than getting attached. but now it proves that im wrong. i need someone that care and love me. and that i can do vice versa too. i no longer like nor love anyone. single-sided love will only bring tortures and pains to you. future? no one will know it. my b'day wish doesnt seems to be coming true. what i wished seems to take years.


when i think about the past,
when you're gone from my life.
the past sep till now.
it seems like im missing you right now.
but things are no longer the same now.
given up is worse than possible fake hopes.
the riches to the poor.
you seen everything.
i chose the wrong path then.
now, there isnt anymore paths to walk on for us.
i know im missing you again.
i miss her.
sigh!!!!

e walk the walk, e talk the talk

trying to get facts right nowadays. making mistakes during my work. argh.. especially with the CASHIER... i got scolded again and again. newcomers? NOT GOOD. need to learn fast.. i enjoyed working there though. argh... enough talkin about me. lets talk about my baby. im trying to get her butt up and work. but she's on working strike. argh.. have been asking her to work since two weeks ago. i guess its because of her hair la. doubt she would want to get her hair cut. duh!! of course. its precious to us! LOL...... argh.. stay up early in the morning just to use my com and my blog. LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL... im weird. i wanna get to sleep. nasty 'sleepy' ya.

argh. i guess im in love with my workplace. its kinda fun though its working. haha. at least you are earning money, you see. these two days of NOT WORKING. makes me feel so bored. haha. unexpectedly, going out to town was a total mistake. get to know others, but indirectly i caused someone into trouble because i spoke out some 'rubbish'. OMG.. im so wrong. argh. just wish to stay out of others' lives. and continue with my own. i wasted some monies on cab and a drink that sucks. a total wastage of 30 plus. seriously, i rather not going out to entertain myself. i should save up the money for needs. i'm starting to feel despair. can i choose to hide? i noticed that i keep making mistakes. what's wrong with myself? i keep making my baby mad. at times, i done some stuffs that causes a disaster. argh!... i seriously didnt want all of these to happen. i think i should just shut myself up again. thus, nothing would happen then. it'll be better this way. overall, im sorry for everything. i'll be the emo, me, again. except during work, then i got no choice. being friendly, only leads to arguement. why that? let's take the taking back of things for instance. i didnt expect that you didnt want the LV back. i thought its part of the 'returning back of stuff'. and again because of this i got scolded. i dont blame you cause its my fault. i didnt check it with you. its part of my negligence.

i start to feel wrong.
i didn't expect you to avoid me.
what is the point of telling you.
is there a need?
i felt that i shouldnt even care.
like as if im any thing to you.
im just a 'someone' in your dictationary.
do you know you badly hurt me.
im hating you and yet i love you.
whats the point, seriously man.
i should get a life.
i should face the fact
you're someone hard to get.
why should i even try?
i just hope to hear from you.
is it that tough?
i really miss you.
i really do.
i love you was it meant to be a mistake??

blah blah blah.

today the workload was fun. all newcomers had fun at brunch. where we had our 'lesson' on Menu. wahahahaha. somehow miss working there. im so weird!....

i really miss you.
hope to see you soon.
when you somehow rejected me.
it hurts a little though.
but after a little while,
im fine.
i hope we could be together one day.
i dont mind to wait.
but im afraid i couldnt wait.
i really love you.
it hurts when you dont reply.
i just hope i can say 'I LOVE YOU' to you.
please..
how am i suppose to do so?

the brunch life.

omg. working for 3days in a roll. fucking exhausted. practically standing up for hours. currently knee caps need some recuperation. haha. luckily having my off for this few days. til thurs i guess. haha....

fri.

went to work at 10am. and ended at 11.30pm. it was fun man. i got transferred from banquet to the poolside cafe. got to know so many new colleagues man.. comparing banquet and brunch cafe. i rather choose the brunch. haha...

went clubbing with baby. finally can treat my baby drink le. we bought tequilla shots and vodka ribenna? (i dont know how to spell it correctly) haha... whatever!! i was fucking drunk la. maybe due to the exhaustion that caused me to get drunk that easily. bullshits.!! practically, i can only remember bits and pieces of what happened that day. haha. and i got back at 4am..

Sat.

woke up at 10am. fuck! i was suffering from hangover. gonna drag my feet to the toilet. YAWNS!... lazy.. then went to work le. but ended work early. at 9.30.. haha.. but went to the smoking area after that. have a long chat with my colleague talking about homosexuals. and we had fun talking about it. LAME!....

then called baby to date her out to clubbing. but she was pretty confused until she heard that terry had some 'troubles' thingy. whatever la!... haha.. then baby cabbed down to maxwell. and i was pretty concerned about baby's boredom, so i cabbed down too. haha.. weird. but we couldnt enter play because we passed the time limit. fuck it's at 11. and no one tell us about it. pathetically, we sat at maxwell market for hours till Play close. some idiots banned terry from entering Play. omg. seriously that idiot need to get a plastic surgery job. he looks so... YUCKS! dont even wanna think about it.

after Play closure. that WeiXXe damn fucked up. trying to create troubles for himself. and what the fuck is wrong with him. he changed his words. smart of him.. NOT!!! we were damn fucking pissed up!. but whatever he do, we never link to us again. that'll be a relieve to my baby too. haha.

after that, we went to cineleisure for our 'breakfast'. at "Xin Wang Cafe". i ordered curry rice and the egg&ham sandwich for baby and me. but the standard of their food dropped. digusted by it. we complain to the management and they compensate us with mango puddings. again it sucks! haha. but ya, damn not interested in eating. so we ask for the bill to get out that place asap.

we slacked til around 6.30 am.... jumping here and there... kissing here and there... and terry doing his MV. haha.

the closure of the post for now. will be... im back home at 7am.. haha.

why is it so.

too many things took place.

fri went to meet my counsellor. we've talked about everything that happened which involved with my driving case. well, it totally striked me alot. from him, i got to know that T.P decided in charging me. with my confirm jail-term. i didnt tell anyone that it'll be finalize soon. simply i couldnt say much. what had happened had already been a done case. nothing to elaborate further neither a solution out. either i pay the fine or accept the jail term. though its only 15days. but it sucks.

wanting to meet baby to go town. but ended up she's very tired. i do not wish to force her out and ended up an arguement especially when someone is tired. tempermental get it. so i promised her i'll be back by 11. eventually things didnt go the way i planned. everything cropped up which caused a terrible mistake between us. Im really sorry. i really dont know what to explain anymore. that night i made a last min decision to go play. it should be fun but in fact it wasnt. i wanted baby to go. and i totally want her to be there. disappointly i couldnt get her. and then... the massive destruct had happened. im totally shagged. i was a total 'broken-hearted' fella. no mood to club neither. everything sucks. i just wish to apologise to her. and tell her that i never mean to do it. sigh.

IM VERY SORRY..

MAGGIE MEE NIGHTMARES

imagine maggie mees meals for weeks.
im seriously sick of it..
my brother enjoys macs..
and pity me.
only have the instant noodles.
suffering from gastric pain...
might be the noodles that hurt it.
and definitely im gonna suffer from indigestion.
im fretting over jobs.
how i wish im rich...
wahahaha.
then i dont have to work at all.
its definitely impossible....

im missing you.
have been thinking over it.
what am i to you?
will you know it?
doubt so huh.
whats love or like?
is it worth it?
i just wish that things can be reversed.
wish to be back 5 years.
then i'll get things right.
yes!

a job im confused about.

Yesterday(wed) went to Pan Pacific to get my interview done.
the pay was pretty attractive as it was 6/hr.
but the requirement is that i gotta cut my hair and get my hair dyed.
banquet requirements man.??
i dont feel like cutting nor dye my hair.
but i need money.
moreover i was recommended by my aunt whom work there.
babyFER & sisQI said its not worth it at all.
just for a job that i might not be working long..
sacrifice my beloved hair and colour..?
IT'S STUPID!!
but as a guy, there isnt any job available for me.
either it needed a cert or im not at the age yet.
im confused!...

i like someone who doesnt even know.
i dont know whether there is any chance for us or not.
but i cant be bothered. yeah
liking you might be a mistake.

[YOU] i know you are someone great.
but i dont know whether in future will there be any chances.
being friends, i admire you.
being good friends, i love you.
but not being stead.
i dont wish to lie.
being concern about you,
doesnt mean im able to like you.
IM SORRY..

I GOTTA GO MY WAY

[Gabriella]
I gotta say what's in my mind
Something about us
Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try,
somehow the plan
Is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok...
I've go to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
World somedayBut at least for now
I gotta go my own away
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
And it's just too hard to watch it all
Slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause
I'veGotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok...
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
World somedayBut at least for now
I gotta go my own away

[Troy]

What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

[Gabriella]
What about trust?

[Troy]
you know I never wanted to hurt you

[Gabriella]
and what about me?

[Troy]
What am I supposed to do?

[Gabriella]
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

[Troy]
I'll miss you

[Gabriella]
soI've got to move on and be who I am

[Troy]
Why do you have to go?

[Gabriella]
I just don't belong hereI hope you understand

[Troy]I'm trying to understand

[Gabriella]
We might find our place in thisworld someday
but at least for now

[Troy]I want you to stay

[Gabriella]
I wanna go my own wayI've got to move on and be who I am

[Troy]
What about us?

[Gabriella]
I just don't belong hereI hope you understand

[Troy]
I'm trying to understand

[Gabriella]
We might find our place in this world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away

i finally so called 'finish' up the blog.
it seems lame does it?
alrights lets get to the point.
it took such a long time since i last blog..
arghs.. who cares..

donut night..

15 oct.

we went out around 2.30 am.wanting to go for a drink.
but we felt bored so we decided not drink.
haha
so we called lay hoon out to ask whether anyone have a license
and she said there is...
haha
so we go to his house and get him.
at that moment we are wondering whether we sld go to JLN BAHAR
but in the end we did.
there's a long road some sort for plane landing and stuff.
and i sped of at 234 km/h.
is so cool.
V6 engine kinda rock man
producing 222hp at 6000 rpm
haha.
the feeling was great.
then we went and 'spin' for a round and almost crash the curb.
haha.
later that,we went back to look for them.
and lay hoon wanted to try...haha
so like i will reject the request.
so i brought her with fer there.
doing donuts for appox. 4 rounds.
and they said the tires smells really bad.
imagine ll rubber smell nice???
haha
and when we were about to leave
i,layhoon and her fren were in the car with me
so go for the last few rounds
appox counted rounds are like 10.
lay hoon couldnt take it...haha
and when i stop, the amount of smoke coming from the tires are like
omg.so much lo.
then fer couldnt take that smell
and wanting to puke.
but she dint
so we all get into the car and left the place
to fetch her friends back.
and layhoon gave fer a smack at her back and she vomited in the car
i was like OMG SHE VOMITED...WHAT HAPPEN....
so we sent all of them back and we got into my carpark
and wash the car.......
and it smells really bad
so i use body spray to spray over
haha...
it's so funny lo.
luckily the car doesnt belong to my dad anymore
if not im so dead......haha