its been awhile.

i have walked on so many paths. but wherever or when, i 'walk' on, it just seems to me like it has been a dead-end to me again. i have tried so hard to tell myself that things isnt the way i think it is. for instance, i always wonders how is Fer doing? but i just kept on wondering but i just dont dare to ask her "how are you doing?"

next, when you met someone you love, should you really hold it on? i will just ask myself why do you ask yourself that? because i dont dare to take risk after since you joke or (a little meaner), flirt with em... well, i find it really tough to understand what you are thinking at times. i have this thinking nowadays, are you really mine? or am i sharing it with someone else? i know its unfair to think it this way but i just couldnt stop it.

today(monday 21st july), i was very quiet when i went to work. maybe its because im not feeling well... it was raining throughout the whole afternoon and the amount of customers were.... little... so as usual, me, as a casual labourer, will definitely be sent home early. haha. not good anyway. 4pm to be precise, just that 4 hrs. sigh!... not working out well. i called up baby, roy and messaged edgar. somehow arranged to meet roy at 4.45pm, ended up waiting for an hour plus. was bored! so i did some window shopping. but when i walked past a florist, i saw white lilies. OMG! hard to find it at certain florist shops. so without any hesitation, i bought one stalk. cost about 6? i know i was crazy at the point of time because i dont know what i wanna do with it. but when i had it on my hand, it reminds me of baby, being the white lily. hahaha! so i messaged baby and tell him that i bought something lame and i wanna give it to him. well, i know im troublesome but i dont have the choice but to re-arrange the point to meet with roy at Redhill station instead. because i have to go over to baby's place to pass it to him. haha. funny!

before arriving at Redhill, as i was in the train, i saw this guy staring blankly at me. maybe because im holding the Lily? haha. who cares? before i reach baby's place, baby called and he actually rushed to meet me. haha. funny though. but i love the surprise and the suspense he gave when i held the Lily at my back. but it wasnt as happy or surprise i thought i will be. it seems distant between us somehow. why? what am i afraid of? was allowing him to St. James to club is bothering me? hmm.. friends told me that it was a wrong move because i might lose him to others. sigh. what am i thinking....!?