being able to hear you say " I Love you", really does melts my heart. but the fact is that, is already the second time. ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY. have you actually think before you actually do something? i start to wonder, am i just 'bluffing' myself? i really want to forgive you but its not as easy as i think i could. even if i say : " i dont want to care about you at all!". but can i actually do so? no. because i love you... its because i somehow still believe you are still that Pure White Lily. Roy has been guilty upon since he told me about you and begged me to forgive you. he still cares for your well-being. each time i hear things about you, my heart just shattered into pieces. UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED! but sometimes i know that i cannot lie to myself is that i know I LOVE YOU and I WILL STILL FORGIVE YOU. but how many times more? i didnt go to work because im sick. but its just seems wrong to me. i 'think' even more. i dont want to make a decision that i will regret. but neither do i wish to see you hurting yourself. sigh! why am i still so concern about you?? i couldnt be angry but i felt that pain in me that i couldnt explain.
GIVE ME A REASON WHY?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
its been awhile.
i have walked on so many paths. but wherever or when, i 'walk' on, it just seems to me like it has been a dead-end to me again. i have tried so hard to tell myself that things isnt the way i think it is. for instance, i always wonders how is Fer doing? but i just kept on wondering but i just dont dare to ask her "how are you doing?"
next, when you met someone you love, should you really hold it on? i will just ask myself why do you ask yourself that? because i dont dare to take risk after since you joke or (a little meaner), flirt with em... well, i find it really tough to understand what you are thinking at times. i have this thinking nowadays, are you really mine? or am i sharing it with someone else? i know its unfair to think it this way but i just couldnt stop it.
today(monday 21st july), i was very quiet when i went to work. maybe its because im not feeling well... it was raining throughout the whole afternoon and the amount of customers were.... little... so as usual, me, as a casual labourer, will definitely be sent home early. haha. not good anyway. 4pm to be precise, just that 4 hrs. sigh!... not working out well. i called up baby, roy and messaged edgar. somehow arranged to meet roy at 4.45pm, ended up waiting for an hour plus. was bored! so i did some window shopping. but when i walked past a florist, i saw white lilies. OMG! hard to find it at certain florist shops. so without any hesitation, i bought one stalk. cost about 6? i know i was crazy at the point of time because i dont know what i wanna do with it. but when i had it on my hand, it reminds me of baby, being the white lily. hahaha! so i messaged baby and tell him that i bought something lame and i wanna give it to him. well, i know im troublesome but i dont have the choice but to re-arrange the point to meet with roy at Redhill station instead. because i have to go over to baby's place to pass it to him. haha. funny!
before arriving at Redhill, as i was in the train, i saw this guy staring blankly at me. maybe because im holding the Lily? haha. who cares? before i reach baby's place, baby called and he actually rushed to meet me. haha. funny though. but i love the surprise and the suspense he gave when i held the Lily at my back. but it wasnt as happy or surprise i thought i will be. it seems distant between us somehow. why? what am i afraid of? was allowing him to St. James to club is bothering me? hmm.. friends told me that it was a wrong move because i might lose him to others. sigh. what am i thinking....!?
next, when you met someone you love, should you really hold it on? i will just ask myself why do you ask yourself that? because i dont dare to take risk after since you joke or (a little meaner), flirt with em... well, i find it really tough to understand what you are thinking at times. i have this thinking nowadays, are you really mine? or am i sharing it with someone else? i know its unfair to think it this way but i just couldnt stop it.
today(monday 21st july), i was very quiet when i went to work. maybe its because im not feeling well... it was raining throughout the whole afternoon and the amount of customers were.... little... so as usual, me, as a casual labourer, will definitely be sent home early. haha. not good anyway. 4pm to be precise, just that 4 hrs. sigh!... not working out well. i called up baby, roy and messaged edgar. somehow arranged to meet roy at 4.45pm, ended up waiting for an hour plus. was bored! so i did some window shopping. but when i walked past a florist, i saw white lilies. OMG! hard to find it at certain florist shops. so without any hesitation, i bought one stalk. cost about 6? i know i was crazy at the point of time because i dont know what i wanna do with it. but when i had it on my hand, it reminds me of baby, being the white lily. hahaha! so i messaged baby and tell him that i bought something lame and i wanna give it to him. well, i know im troublesome but i dont have the choice but to re-arrange the point to meet with roy at Redhill station instead. because i have to go over to baby's place to pass it to him. haha. funny!
before arriving at Redhill, as i was in the train, i saw this guy staring blankly at me. maybe because im holding the Lily? haha. who cares? before i reach baby's place, baby called and he actually rushed to meet me. haha. funny though. but i love the surprise and the suspense he gave when i held the Lily at my back. but it wasnt as happy or surprise i thought i will be. it seems distant between us somehow. why? what am i afraid of? was allowing him to St. James to club is bothering me? hmm.. friends told me that it was a wrong move because i might lose him to others. sigh. what am i thinking....!?
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